Shukraana

My friend nudged me one day… Look at the girl across the seat Look at what she is doing Look at how she is opening her clothes Look at what she is wearing underneath Look at how she dazzles in them Look at how she tricked her parents Look at how she told such lies Look at how she sneaked out of her home Look at how she has two lives Look at how none of them are true Look at her But don’t look like you are looking at her So saying my friend left Not staring too much at the girl, lest she would feel uncomfortable I knew her plight, poor girl - she has desires too She is not like me She is not free She is bound by her fate She is caught in a vicious circle She can’t escape her truths I looked out of the window and wondered about other things… The girl suddenly came to life and said I know you were talking about me I work for a shopping mall This is my uniform My neighbourhood is a little conservative, you know 20 th Septe...

It’s been a week Actually more than a week Actually I don’t know how many weeks I think I will go home Buy myself alu tamatar Take them up to my kitchen Slice my sabzi Dice my pyaaz Bring in the salt Whip them up in sugar… But nothing happens Again… I stay back, and I stay put For another evening For another day Another time The evenings in my life never happen Even the alu tamatar hasn’t happened for so long The elusive alu tamatar Nothing ever happens Am I letting go the evenings of my life? Am I losing count of the weeks in my life? Am I missing out on life? I don’t know. 19 th September 2003

I remember home Ma Her chappals They were hers they were mine We wore them together, turn by turn Till those slabs of thin rubber took shape The ups and downs, the myriad contours of our feet… And then I left. Now only ma wears them. Her chappals They seem to have fondly changed shape They have comfortably fitted now, into her feet Because we don’t wear them anymore – only ma does. And sometimes now, when I go back home And sometimes when I wear her chappals, our chappals They don’t feel the same anymore. My feet They don’t feel the same at the heel They should be lower Just beneath the toe it used to be higher. And the rubber straps They don’t hold me so securely no longer They will never feel the same again. That is how they are Chappals They forget Only I remember. Only I know they will never be how they used to be Only I know nothing will ever be how it used to be Nothing, I know, nothing will ever be the same a...